Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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