We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
