Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
