There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
