she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
