"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
