i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
