the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
