I wish I only lived at night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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