just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
