Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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