I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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