mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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