So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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