She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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