just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize