dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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