i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
