no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
