so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
