I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he fucked my hip out of place.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
