I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
