Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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