Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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