I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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