Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
