He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
