where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
