worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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