There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
