your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
