I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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