I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
