You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
