i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I need to wash the frat house off of me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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