I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
