i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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