All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
