you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
