other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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