sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
