Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
