I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
