just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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