I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
