there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
