so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
