remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
