I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
