Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize