glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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