I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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