I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
