Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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