well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
