The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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