So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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