Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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