Barsexuality is the new black.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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