so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
