I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
