I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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