I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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