he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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