The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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