i will never coherently bang her
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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