what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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