It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
